Alphabet Soup

I’ve come to understand that hanging around a barber shop can give one an entirely new perspective on humankind.

 My handsome husband, a barber by trade, is full of interesting commentary about every subject imaginable. From his station behind the barber chair he has been known to conduct polls which are every bit as accurate and scientific as the much publicized studies done by the left-wing idiots who have lately bestowed upon us a brand spanking new health care plan which will, in time, bankrupt the nation. 

Speaking of health care, my husband also is in a unique position to observe maladies of all kinds and has become something of an expert on the afflictions common to homo sapiens.

Just the other day he came to me with a troubled countenance.

“I’m pretty worried.” He said flatly.

“About what?”

“Oh. Snakes and things.” He replied.

Having observed some of the snakes which frequent the South, I became a little alarmed.

“We have snakes?”

“Well, some of my customers have been having trouble with their snakes. And their lizards too.” he told me. “It’s not just here though. I see it on TV all the time. It’s more of a national problem.”

I was getting more interested by the minute. I should know better by now.

“Really?” I walked right in and the trap sprang shut.

“Yeah. You can’t watch even one episode of NCIS before they have a commercial about it. They are all the time talking about reptile dysfunction.” (Insert drum roll and “bada bing” here.)

There’s never a dull moment around Rancho Victoria . (Aside: My son Jason - who earned the nickname “Sqwidd” at his first job where he washed dishes in a local restaurant - calls his place Casa Calamari.)

We Americans have acronyms for every possible ailment and human condition. We have ED, of course, and we have IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome.) We have OCD, TMJ, UTIs, and I’m told as a nation we have a virtual pandemic of STD’s.

 I look forward to a COLA, (Cost Of Living Adjustment,) and I’m more than a little interested in UDAG which is grant money the Feds give us so that some of our aldermen can keep their families and friends in business.  (Most of these loans, by the way are many months behind and ought to be called in but…well you know.)

We LOL, we’ll BRB and our friends regularly give us TMI.  Some of us are even charter members of the organization I like to call CAVE - Citizens Against Virtually Everything.

Yes. We’re hip deep in a bowl of alphabet soup. Maybe we’re just too lazy to say the words outright. Whatever the case, I’m inclined to go with the flow on this one and hereby submit several clever acronyms of my own which apply to us citizens of Aberdeen , Mississippi .

VIA - Victims of Insidious Aldermen

C I B L I N G – Citizens In Bankruptcy or Litigation Involving N-competent Government (I know. I know. But I have literary license and am, therefore, entitled to invent words as I go along.)

GOPHER – Government Overreaching Power and Hornswoggling Every Resident

LEOACR - Law Enforcement Officers Against Constitutional Rights

RCMP – Really Corrupt and Monumentally Pitiful (You may end this with any letter you like. OOTC – Officers Of The City, EOTC – Employees Of The City…it all applies, so use whatever strikes your fancy. Knock yourself out!)

CRANKY – Citizens Resisting A Negative Karmic Yield

PIST – People Insisting on a Stable Town

NIGYSOB – Now I’ve Got You Son Of a Brick

AAWTTSO – Avoiding Arrest While Tattling To State Officials

FATSO – Females Attempting To Stop Obamacare  (Oops. How did THAT get in here?)

For my part, I’ll be PTFACCFNE (Pacing the Floor and Collecting Candidates for the Next Election.)

Goodness! I'm LFW, BFF's.

TTFN