The Trouble With Theo 

A Bedtime Story for Taxpayers

 

 

   Once upon a time in a little Southern town there was a city employee named - well, lets just call him Theo.  Theo worked at the Recreation Department doing maintenance chores and driving the meals on wheels van.  Theo seemed to like his work, but one day he woke up in a financial crisis.  Theo decided to "retire" from his job so he could cash in on the retirement money the City had been socking away for him.

   Theo had very powerful friends.  They liked it when Theo would go find people to vote, bring them to the polling places and then tell them exactly how to cast their ballot.  Sometimes, Theo would shout at poll watchers who did not support his powerful friends, and he would call them names.  Sometimes when he did that, the policemen had to come and make Theo leave.  But, Theo was very good at getting his friends elected and they liked him very much for that.

   As time passed, Theo realized that he missed his job.  He went to the mean old Recreation interim director and told her to put him back on the payroll.  The wicked woman refused to do that because she thought there was a rule about how to hire people and she didn't want to break the hiring rules. Theo explained to her that his powerful friends had promised to re-hire him after he helped them get re-elected.  Still ,the old meanie said "Nope.  You'll just have to work that out with your powerful friends."

  When one of Theo's important friends learned that the unruly Recreation Director wouldn't give Theo his job back, he became very angry.  He went to the silly woman and threatened to fire her for not honoring his promise to Theo.  The powerful man was so angry that he yelled and shouted and made ugly faces in front of other people.  Still the Recreation lady wouldn't rehire Theo.

   When the grinchy old Recreation director hired a lawyer to make the powerful man stop yelling at her, the other powerful men decided to give Theo different job driving a lawnmower around the graveyard.  Sometimes Theo had to do other jobs he didn't like as much.  Once they even asked him to help on the garbage truck, but he said "NO!" and went home.  The garbage supervisor was very sad that he could not fire Theo for insubordination - remember, Theo has very powerful friends.

   The nice people in the little Southern town kept paying Theo lots of money and giving him other nice things like insurance.  Even if he sometimes can't drive cars or trucks because his license gets taken away by the grouchy State Troopers, Theo can still ride around on his tractor and the nice people in the little Southern town still pay him because Theo is very good at getting people elected.

The End.